Day #10 – Success

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I remember feeling awed by the expectation of having a baby but I’d felt scared too. Would I be able to handle motherhood? Would I know what to do when the baby cried? Did I have enough love in my heart to share?
I’d dreamed about becoming a mom since I was fifteen. In high school while everyone else planned for college or talked about jobs, my aspiring goal had been simple; get married and have kids. Being a mother is all I ever wanted in life.
However, my relationship with my mother wasn’t particularly close. I never felt loved, or wanted. Never felt like I fit in anywhere. I wanted to be supportive of my children. To make sure they felt loved. Having never received that kind of love as a child could I give it? Would I know how to be a different kind of parent?
After giving birth to my beautiful son, wanting to be the best mom ever intensified. Then in a mysterious fashion a lady came into the room and introduced herself as the Chaplin for the hospital, she proceeded to tell me that she thought I’d make a great mother. I realized that God had sent this kind stranger with a message of hope at the very moment I needed it.
Twenty years later I look back on that day with the satisfaction that I’ve done my best. I’ve successfully raised both my kids with God’s values and love. They are independent, funny, creative and determined to forge their way in this world. I have a close relationship with both of them and they have always felt safe enough to come to me with problems.
Now I find myself back at the same place of doubt. What will I do when they are both out of the house? Who will I be when I am no longer mom? How will I handle the emptiness?
And then I hear God’s voice whispering words of hope once again. Perhaps, now is my time to be a successful author.

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11 thoughts on “Day #10 – Success

  1. Hey Candy – Just checking into your blog as part of Flash Friday. This is more fun and worth while than I thought it would be. Nice job on responding to the prompt. I guess this Flash Friday thing is going to be a “success.”

  2. The blur of being pregnant. It was just all surreal and I wish I could have had another one if just to feel like I was ‘aware’ through it all. Kind of the same way watching my kid growing up (still raising mine) and that is something to be proud of!

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